Decatur Mom reader, Steve, recently wrote in to gain my help in spreading the word about a revolution in the child birthday circuit – “Operation No Goody Bags” – aptly named by writer, Amanda Green, of StarNewsOnline.com.
If you’re a parent, chances are you have either been on the giving or receiving end of these “treasure” sacks that are distributed to every child that attends a birthday party. It all seems so harmless on the surface. Children come to birthday parties, sometimes bearing gifts, so you send them away with something special as well. Though I have to admit that I have given away goody bags in the past, I am now ready to put down the candy and join the no goody bag revolution.
What is it really teaching children when they nearly expect to receive a gift when they go to celebrate someone else’s birthday? And what does it teach a child about the importance of his or her birthday? Amanda Green in her article titled “Take-home Tempest” writes,
Across the country, moms are joining blogs to discuss this hot topic. In a recent posting on the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, one mom expounds that goody bags are “a startling realization about materialism and our children.
Before Steve brought to my attention that there was revolution brewing, my husband and I both experienced what I will refer to as goody bag breakdowns on separate occasions. Three weeks ago we traveled quite a long way to celebrate the birthday of a son of good friends that we have not seen in a while. As it turned out, the most unfortunate part about the travel was not the price of gas but that I had to listen to my husband lament the whole goody bad tradition on the entire drive back home…”useless, sad, wasteful” are the words I remember hearing over and over again. Luckily, the kids had fallen asleep and so they missed their father’s goody bag breakdown. I just nodded in agreement. I had my goody bag breakdown a couple of months earlier…
It happened during my normal cleaning routine, I went to wipe off a table to remove crayon markings with my normal wet, soapy cloth. You see, I have special place in my heart for washable crayons because I can observe the beauty of my children’s artistic creations for a while. Then, I can wipe them away….but not this time. AHHHHH!!!! Who brought permanent crayons into this house? No, how dare someone bring permanent crayons into this house? We checked through our arts and crafts stash…nope, all washable. Then, it hit me, they came from the goody bag we received at a birthday party we attended the day before. Oh, come on! I threw away all of the choking hazards in that goody bag and all that was left was the crayons.
Alas, no matter how hard I try, permanent crayons, disposable toys, and all sorts of candy will continue to find their way into my home. Perhaps there is no way to put an end to that madness. But, the big picture questions are; Why does this have to be a part of the child birthday party tradition? How can we as parents put the focus back on the birthday girl or boy, and minimize materialism? And how we can resist the urge to send every child away from a birthday celebration with goodies of their own?
I don’t have all of the answers, but I know that we’ve had some success with no gift parties. It took a while to find the right words to put in the invitations but then a friend gave me the phrase, “the gift of your presence is all that is needed.” I thought it was respectful and to-the-point but it caught some people off guard. I was cornered by a 4-year old at my daughter’s school after the invitations went out, “I’m excited to come to her party but why doesn’t she want any presents?” “Ummm, she will get a gift from her family, but she just wants her friends to come and celebrate her special day, ” I replied. “Well, at my birthday party I got big presents and everyone else got small presents.” “Very nice, indeed!” I replied.
I can see how this revolution is going to take some time.
The City of Decatur concerts on the square are one of my family’s favorite Decatur outings. The concerts run every Saturday evening in September and May from 7 – 9:30 pm and feature great live music from local bands, door prizes from local sponsors, and a perfect dinner picnic atmosphere with your Decatur neighbors.
